I’ve had the best year so far, from better position at work compared to last year(freaking 2018), moving to a better location, being with the most reliable partner (he’s like my psychiatrist) and I mean I turned 23!! Ain’t God good. Here’s the thing though, stop picturing a perfect life cause there has been kicking in my ass mostly this trail period.
Setting goals is encouraging at least to me it is, but where am at right now, is at the ‘trail period’ where you want to keep swimming to the shore but again constantly feeling as if you are you’re at the same spot, and that feel kills the soul.
(scratch that! I worked on this three weeks ago before being fired, so you can only imagine where am at right now)
Man!Have I had a lot of shedding this year. By shedding I mean, toxicity is real the sooner you realize it, the better. I may not feel like I have done whatever I needed to accomplish this year but the twists down the road have totally led me somewhere new, exciting and to a place I could have never dreamed of. Picture this, shedding is losing unwanted hair or fur right? the outgrown one to be precise, making room for the one about to grow. That’s how am seeing it now.
I have outgrown every situation that I was in, now there’s room for the new hair or fur, the fresh one *wink emoji* It may not make sense now but it will in the future.
I grew to understand that people don’t always build walls to keep others out. There are times its done out of a necessity to protect whatever is left within.
Best believe I have been building walls for the last couple of months, and lately so high no one is allowed. Keeping the few positive vibrations I have left guarded, has been my full time job. The world is so cruel whatever is keeping me alive is the good deeds I need to spare. No, I don’t feel like it’s the end of the world yet, I feel change creeping in on me immensely and I don’t know how to deal with it. ”One step at a time” the only words I keep whispering to myself every morning, at least to get through the day.
Where am at right now you ask? The dark place, that’s what I feel but again, it’s darkest before dawn.